Chp. 11 Relational Dialectics

Chapter 11, Relational Dialectics, is an interpretive theory also known as relational maintenance. This theory assumes that people in relationships live with three dialectical tensions that must be managed. These three tensions consist of Integration-Separation, Stability-Change, and Expression-Nonexpression. All of these tensions can be felt internally and externally. Dialectics make up a huge part of this theory because it involves tensions that are inherent, or unable to be resolved. When I first read about this theory, I immediately thought of my friends Jon and Ashley. They have been dating for almost six years, and the entire relationship has been one big dialectical tension. The subtensions of connectedness-separateness and inclusion-seclusion, certainty-uncertainty and conventionality-uniqueness, and openness-closedness and revelation-concealment are all applied to their relationship. Ashley has always been the one in the relationship that wanted she and Jon to always be together at all times. If Jon wasn't by her side or on the phone with her, she didn't know how to function. Jon, on the other hand, likes the feeling of separateness and being able to function on his own. He loves Ashley, but realizes he does not need to be with her at all times to be happy. Ashley did not enjoy including friends in their affairs, either. When she was with Jon she wanted it to be strictly just the two of them. Jon always wanted to be around both friends and Ashley. When Jon moved to Florida his senior year of high school, Ashley really had a hard time dealing with the absence of her boyfriend. She needed to teach herself to manage the distance and deal with the fact that they couldn't be together at all times. She became uncertain of their relationship, as did Jon, and they revealed less to each other, going from a very open relationship to more of a closed one. Traditionally, couples should be integrated, certain/conventional, and open with each other. Ashley and Jon dealt with these tensions the best they could, and now they are engaged to be married next year. This theory proves that relational tensions will always be in flux, but they are able to be managed.